Decision confirmed

Many of you know that we made the decision to home school both girls this fall.  

Ok, give me a moment to breathe through the fact that I just announced that publicly and I'm committing myself to do this.  

There's a part of me that is so excited about this.  I was educated at home for ten years, and I wouldn't exchange it for anything.  I'm excited to go back and relearn things that have been deleted (One thing drives out another, you know.), to awaken a wonder in my children for God's creation, to cultivate a desire to learn and the knowledge of how to learn effectively.  I am completely confident, especially thanks to the classical program and support system we will have, that I am absolutely capable of educating my children at home.

There's another part of my brain that has panicked over the very distinct possibility that I will go stark raving mad in my attempt to do this with small children.  If you know me at all, you know that little kids and I... well, let's just say being around small children is not my top spiritual gift.  

("Why did you have a kid and adopt?" you may ask.  Because God said so.  And He has a fantastic sense of humor, for which I am truly grateful)

You know what I mean, right?  Those two or three months following Christmas when it's rainy and twenty degrees outside and we haven't seen the sun for four weeks?  That already makes me want to crawl south on my hands and knees to find a place where I can recharge my solar batteries.  Add home schooling two (loud and crazy) littles who also have the winter blahs and are treating our house as though it were the inside of a pinball machine... Well, you get the picture.

But still.  When God says so, you obey.  Maybe you question him on it a few hundred times, but you do what He says, because He can see the whole picture.  

Well, He confirmed that at least for now, this is absolutely the right choice for our family.  This past week the girls were at VBS at a great local church.  It was only 9-11:45am Monday through Friday.  They had so much fun!  Truly, they were telling me all about the songs they sang, the verses they memorized, pictures they drew, friends they played with.  They loved it!  But a hunch I had about JP was confirmed this past week.  Getting her ready to go and out the door (and 9am isn't super early), taking her to a place packed with hundreds of kids, being so excited and wound up... it led to guaranteed major meltdowns every single afternoon.  We haven't had that many tantrums since our first few weeks home.  I don't mean fussing or whining because she didn't get her way; I'm talking full out raging meltdowns over important things like pencils or not being allowed to go down the wooden stairs head first.  Her meltdowns are nearly always triggered by control issues, which is not unusual or unexpected, but still, she is usually much better at regulating or allowing us to redirect or help her regulate.  This week... not so much.  And she was only there for three hours a day.  She is such an extrovert, and she loved every minute of it, but at a neurological level it set her off in ways that she doesn't even realize.  

So then I tried to imagine having to get her out the door even earlier every single day of the work week for nine months straight, going to a place (which she would love while she was there) packed with hundreds of new friends for eight hours a day, where she would be required to sit at a desk and do work (I'm not sure that she could sit still if her life depended on it), miss rest time, and then come home with other assignments to manage before starting all over again the next day.  She would be a wreck.  Our shortened amount of time together would be constantly soured by trauma meltdowns that she wouldn't understand (When she has them, she rarely knows why she's crying).  She would be tired, overstimulated, going full tilt all the time.  

No.  That is not what she needs right now.  Frankly, it's not what we need either.  Our family has had quite enough drama over the past couple of years, thank you very much.  

So there you have it: confirmation.  I know what I am supposed to do, and I'm going to do it.  It's decided.  In a way, it's a huge relief.  I won't worry about the winter blues until I have to, but I am going to start compiling a list of ways to get us out of the house when it's damp and frigid, because that will be an absolute necessity.  Guess I better get my creative juices flowing now while the sun is still shining and the air is warm!

JP is a bright kid.  She learns quickly, is intensely motivated by affirmation, and more importantly, she has a desire to learn.  She just needs encouragement to keep trying when she doesn't get something the first time, because I can already tell that she is a perfectionist when it comes to academics!  It's going to be ok.  The girls are going to do a fantastic job with this rich but relaxed program, and it's going to give them a solid foundation no matter where they go in the future.  Mama is just going to have to be very intentional about self care, and making sure there is time for detox and silence carved into the days and weeks ahead.  

I've always loved Robert Frost's poem, "The Road Not Taken," and it seems fitting to end with his words:

         

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.