Urgent Need

Friends: we need your help.

We've been doing counseling with JP for a couple of months. Over the past week or so, we've seen some of her trauma behaviors escalate significantly, with the most frightening being that she ran away from home on Monday. Thankfully, I realized she was gone minutes after she left the house, and I found her within 15 minutes...but she was already over a mile away from our house when I caught up with her. I don't think it's possible to describe the terror of the moment I knew she was gone and I could not see her in either direction on the road. 

We had an emergency meeting with our counselor, and in light of these escalating reactive responses, she has recommended a psychoacoustic therapy that sounds incredibly promising for reducing stress, anxiety, reactive behaviors, and even sensory behaviors. We believe this could have an incredible impact on JP's healing. The price tag was a bit of a blow, though: $2100 all together for the device (which our therapist gives us at wholesale) plus her time in creating a schedule and walking us through all the steps. I won't lie: That is staggering to us considering that our new not-so-affordable health insurance has caused JP's medical bills to nearly double. So this will be on top of the annual $8-10K we have to come up with just to keep her alive and healthy, and standard therapy costs, which are worth every penny, but incredibly expensive. While I normally wouldn't post something this personal for her here, I felt like I didn't have a choice but to ask for help in such a time sensitive circumstance.

We haven't fundraised since before we brought JP home, but as we all know, adoption doesn't end at the airport. If you feel led to be a part of JP's continued healing, or know someone who might have a heart for this, please share and check out the "Donate" button at the top right corner of our blog, which will go directly to JP's therapy via PayPal. I know not everyone is called to adopt a child into their home, but for those who want to be a part of the continuing work of adoption and healing for a child, this is a great opportunity to partner with us in that. We are exhausted, in every possible way, and I am thankful that we have a support group of brothers and sisters to help hold our arms up when we have nothing left.  We covet your prayers, for JP and for our family.  

Soli Deo Gloria.

Broken

Oh, how my heart cries for peace.  We are so close to the finish, and the battle has gotten fiercer than I could possibly have imagined.  From rain and mud, to one little delay after another, to failed inspections, and then a massive blow... one of the people working on the house nearly losing her life in a horrible car accident on the way home from work last night.  I am devastated for her and her family.  And while we are even more grateful for our physical well being after all that, I am keenly aware that my family is less than two weeks away from Christmas, and within a few days after that, we will have no place to live if we can't move into the house.  We keep praying and begging for miracles, and the Lord has provided our daily manna, but interspersed between all of those miracles, the enemy is constantly chipping away, and then sometimes lands massive blows.

At this point, we are hoping to retry for our final electrical inspection on Monday, and then basically throw ourselves on the mercy of the county, explain our situation, and pray that they are either willing to give us our CO or go ahead and move in without it until the weather cooperates for us to do the final concrete and blocking for the retaining wall.  I did speak with the inspector responsible for passing the grading, and after hearing our situation, told me he would do everything he can to help us get in the house.  That was so encouraging, and the Lord knew how badly I needed a word of encouragement.

I just don't even know how I am functioning at this point, aside from God's grace.  I have no words left.  I have nights when I cry until I can't breathe, but much of the time, I just feel numb.  Like I've just shut down because I can't process it all.  And I just keep putting my head down and jumping through hoops, trying to do whatever I need to do to help my family get home, so we can bring her home.  Oh Jesus, we need you to fight for us now.  We need you to carry us.  We need you to move the mountains.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.

When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand. 

Aaaaand breathe

Yes, that is what I need to do right now: breathe.  Breathe and trust.  I am trying to be efficient (with undertones of panic) these days.  So many amazing things have happened.  I've seen so many mountains moved.  Still, it seems like some days, my faith is the tiniest of mustard seeds, but even at that, He has never failed to bless when I bring what little I have.

We closed on the house in town this past Tuesday, November 26.  We had desperately prayed that we would at least have a contract on the house by Thanksgiving, and we closed two days before, for more than our asking price.  Definitely a miracle. 

On the adoption front, things were not as simple as wiring the fee and being done with it, but many phone calls and emails later, I was finally able to mail our court document and fee today, along with the photo book I made for JP.

The horrible suspense factor in all of this is surprisingly not adoption related.  At this point, we are simply waiting on written court documents and her passport, and then we are ready to go as far as Ind*a is concerned.  The certificate of occupancy on the farmhouse, however, seems to always be the dangling carrot rather than the reality.  We had first anticipated moving in October after closing on the land May 1st, but major delays on breaking ground made that impossible.  Then, the goal was the end of November.  Obviously, that is about to come and go.  Then, it was the first or second week of December.  We will be lucky to be in by mid-December.  We have to be in by mid-December.  Because the reality is, we can't travel until we have moved.  Our lease is up at the end of December.  And we're darn close to running into holiday hangups with the county.  

I believe that there is plan in all of this, but I am completely in the dark on it.  I have no idea why it is working out this way, no idea why it is necessary to cut it so close that I am about to chew my fingernails to the quick.  All I know to do is take it a day at a time and trust that manna will be given.  One minute I hear, "We'll make it!" and the next, "Don't get your hopes up."  Well, hope is all I have.  It's all I've had for a long time.  If I lose that, I've lost everything.  But hope can be exhausting when it's stretched so thin you can see through it.  There's not much left.  Normally, I would be playing Christmas music and decorating the tree today, the day after Thanksgiving.  But I'm not.  I'm sitting in a drafty apartment bedroom wondering when I will get to celebrate being home with my little family.  It's not about a building.  It's about a place that's ours, our own little safe haven where I can nest and create, and make things beautiful.  This is the desert.  This is limbo.  The Promised Land is within sight, but there is one more sea to cross.  And there is only One who can part the waters.       

JP is officially ours!!!!!!

I'm going to have to come back at some point and write something poetic about all of this, but at the moment, I am completely overwhelmed with emotion.  The only reason I am functioning at all is by the grace of God.

As if yesterday's miracle wasn't enough, the blessings just keep getting poured out on us.  I woke up to an email this morning that said, "Good news; the adoption order was passed this morning."

Umm... excuse me?

Yes, that's right.  Our orphanage filed our case with the local court this morning, AND THEY PASSED IT IMMEDIATELY.  We were granted full adoption rights, and the written documents will be released after the final fee is wired to the court.  After yesterday's news, I was fairly confident we would travel by the spring.  Now, it looks like it will be in the next 4-8 weeks.  Talk about a Christmas gift!

I am floored, blown away, overjoyed, and completely overwhelmed.  At this point, we are frantically working to finish what needs to be done to get the certificate of occupancy on our house.  That should happen by the end of the month, or the first of December.  We have to move before we travel, because the last thing our sweet JP needs is to be brought into the chaos of a move on top of entering an entirely new culture, family, and language, all with new and different sights, sounds, smells, and experiences.  No, she deserves to come home to a safe haven, not a nut house. =)  So please pray with us that we get that certificate by the end of the month so we have no other obstacles keeping us from bringing our precious girl home.

Along with the flurry of paperwork and house responsibilities, I am also hoping to find out clothing/shoe sizes, and other pertinent information.  Something tells me she won't be bringing any winter items with her!  I'd give my eye teeth for a personal assistant right now, but I'm just going to have to make really good lists, and do my best to compartmentalize like my husband does.  He is slammed with work right now, which is both great and really hard, so I have a feeling there's going to be a lot of solo parenting with N while I try to manage adoption and house responsibilities.  Please pray.  We are thrilled, but there is a LOT that needs to happen before we get on a plane for India.  

Thank you to all of you who are rejoicing with us because of this incredible news.  What an awesome God we serve!!  Seriously... this is unheard of in India adoption: we were expecting more like three months to pass court.  But we've had ARC, NOC, and now passing court within 24 hours.  Absolutely amazing.  He was not kidding when He said "It's time to walk forward."   I can't believe that was only 72 hours ago.  Wow.  Just, wow.

Can I just say that it is mind blowing that there is now officially another little Baby S in the world?

Stirring the waters

Something is stirring.  I can feel it in my soul.  I haven't seen it with my physical eyes yet, but my spirit eyes have found a pin prick of light in this dark night of the soul.  For so long I've joined the Psalmist in soaking my bed with tears.  Grief is deep and consuming, friends.  He was with me.  I felt his tears, rested my cheek against his broken heart.

But something has changed.  This past week or two, I've been taken back to some places in the Scripture where the Lord led me just before we heard about JP.  He's grown me, loved me, shown me again that when I'm stretched with the ache of waiting, He fills the space with more of his Spirit, with Thanksgiving.  And something has changed.  The message has changed.  It's as though He has suddenly flipped the switch from a time of grieving and crying out, to saying, "Stand up.  It's time to walk forward."

Think maybe I sound whacky?  

At church this morning, I shared that feeling with a friend and mentor who has been so faithful to pray for me and encourage me these past months.  As soon as I finished, she said, "I just read that this morning in Exodus!  Just before God parted the Red Sea!"  I got to my Bible as quickly as I could and, sure enough, there it was.  How had I missed it before?

Just as the Egyptians were about to ride down upon the despairing Israelites and take them back into bondage, I saw a familiar verse:

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid.  Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today...The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

I've prayed that one many times.  But then...

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Why are you crying out to me?  Tell the Israelites to move on.  Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground." 

There is most definitely a time for crying out.  But now it is time to move: through praying, fasting, believing, preparing for the way to be made to the Promised Land where we will gather our children and bring them home.  

I can hear the waters stirring.

Hope In The Waiting

We are still waiting for ARC at 17 weeks, not exactly the record I was hoping to set for our agency.  I don't know all the details of why the ARC is sitting on about 72 cases right now, and what I do know, I can't share publicly.  Let's just say there is a big political/legal stink, and unfortunately, children and families who have nothing to do with it have been caught in the middle.  A court case has been heard this week, and there are more yet to come that may have an effect on the situation, but we are cautiously hopeful that we will begin to see movement soon.  Of course, cautiously hopeful sometimes translates to, "I'll believe it when I see it," depending on the day hour.

Thankfully, we did get some very unexpected, wonderful news from our agency yesterday.  Our orphanage director applied for our NOC (federal approval) at the same time they applied for ARC (state approval) back in June.  I didn't even know that was possible, but I kind of love this guy for doing it.  He emailed our agency yesterday and said that our NOC has already been processed!  C&RA can't give us official approval until we have cleared ARC, but once that happens, our understanding is that official NOC will be immediate.  That is extremely encouraging considering we were expecting to wait 1-3 months for it after ARC.  With all of the bureaucracy and maddening red tape, it is so wonderful to know that there are indeed officials and people in the position to help in Ind*a who truly care about putting kids in families.  I wanted to believe that from the start, but when everything seems to take so much longer than it should, it is a breath of fresh air to see people working tenaciously and proactively on our daughter's behalf.

So for now, we wait.  There should be a roof on our house by the end of the weekend, which is a long awaited victory as well.  Perhaps now, the weather at least will not be such a volatile factor in dictating our progress.  We are still praying and working hard to have our certificate of occupancy by Thanksgiving, or shortly thereafter.  I am beyond ready for a place to call home, for a little stability, and to be centered in one safe haven rather than being constantly torn between different locations.  Pray with us for favor, for no more delays, and for supernatural strength and peace as we ride out the last tumultuous weeks of this crazy year.  What a story this will be.         

I-800 and Article 5, DONE!

I think I'm just going to have to accept the fact that once a month updates are about as good as it's going to get right now.  I don't know where June has gone, and July is going to be even more insane.  

We do have some fantastic news on the adoption front, though, and it deserves to be recorded!  We got our I-800 in the mail last Saturday (June 15).  We had been waiting about a month for that, so I was thrilled to have it in hand so that I could complete the next step, and the last bit of paperwork on our side of things for a while.  As soon as I had that (and I mean that literally), I scanned it and our DS-230 application to email to the embassy in New Delhi.  The I-800 gives us permission from USCIS to bring JP into the country.  The embassy will be issuing her visa to us when we are there.  They would have gotten my email on Monday morning, I sent a second request on Wednesday (their suggestion after waiting two business days), and I woke up this morning (Friday) to Article 5 in my inbox!  If only every piece of paperwork could be done so quickly via email!  

That means we are finally able to join the queue for ARC approval in her state.  We have not heard promising things from others who have waited in this state, but we have also heard that the head of CARA recently made a trip to "encourage" the committee to move things along.  Our acquaintance who had been waiting a super long time got her approval yesterday.  I'm hoping that means we're getting in line at the right time, when things are starting to gain momentum.  Our agency has not had families wait longer than four months for approval, but none of them were in our state.  We're just hoping and praying that this part moves forward efficiently and without any hold ups.  Once we get past state and federal level approvals and are granted NOC (No Objection Certificate), they cannot assign JP to another Indian family.  Our agency has a great relationship with the RIPA, so I don't see that happening, but it would still be nice to have it in writing.  It's not like any part of this journey has been predictable!

There are several other unexpected changes happening simultaneously that I've saved for the private blog, but let it just be said that this month and the coming month are bursting at the seams.  I'll be in Moldova two weeks from today, and at this point, I'm just praying I remember to pack everything... and take my suitcase to the airport.  What a wild ride!  I'm literally overwhelmed by blessings (Can you see my eye twitching and hear my hysterical laughter?).  At this point, I have no clue what's coming next, but I'm just going to throw my hands in the air and enjoy the ride.  He certainly knows what He's doing!    

Catch up and Miracles

I know I am falling down on the job here, but the past month has gotten away from me.  I was not expecting the post-referral paperwork to be quite as intense as it has been.  We waited nearly two months to get JP's child study report from her RIPA.  I admit, I was stalking the mailbox like a vulture and emailing our agency every single week asking for an update.  I will never understand how it can take so long to put a document that is already on hand into the mail!  Thankfully, we received it last week.  I went without food for the majority of that Monday as I scurried around from Walgreens, to notaries, to county clerks, to the Secretary of State, to the post office, but by golly, I got that paperwork back in the mail the same day.  Then I started filling out paperwork for USCIS to allow JP admittance into the US.  I had everything done on our side, and just got our final documents in the mail from our agency today to complete the application.  Tomorrow is Sunday, so it will have to wait a day, but then it will be in the mail to USCIS, and we will pray for a speedy approval.  

There are a few more comings and goings between the US embassy and us after that comes through, but then we are in line for the infamous ARC approval in India.  That just means a regional committee decides that they don't have an objection to our adopting JP.  This is a fairly new step, and we are seeing other families in our Indian state who have been waiting 8-10 months and counting for this approval.  Not a good sign.  So we are already praying for divine intervention, that our case would fly through ARC approval with record speed.  Please pray with us!!!

For now, for this moment, I want to focus on thanksgiving, though.  Because there has already been a miracle this week.  As you know, we've been sharing our puzzle fund raiser as a means of finishing out our final adoption fee, and getting started on our travel expenses.  We were still about $1,650 away from being back in the black, and I'll admit, I was stressed... to the point of having tension headaches and muscle spasms in my neck and right shoulder.  I knew deep down that the Lord would provide, but I do NOT like being in the hole... owing money.  We just don't do debt.  We were at about 212 puzzle pieces, which was awesome!  But yesterday... oh yesterday.  I checked the mail late in the afternoon and found a hand addressed envelope with no name or return address.  I opened it and found a single white sheet that read, "For Adoption Fund Matthew 6:33..." and money orders totaling $2,000.  What?!?!  "Seek first his kingdom..."  And all these things have been given to us as well.  That's right, friends.  Our final adoption fee is COVERED!  And, nearly all of the fee for updating our paperwork in the fall when we move has been taken care of as well.  Praise the Lord!!! I am still in shock.  I felt like the early church who prayed so fervently for Peter's release from prison, but were totally surprised when he showed up at the door!  The pain and spasms in my neck and shoulder immediately stopped as if a massive weight had literally been lifted off of me.  Now, we can start saving for our travel expenses.  I pray that we need them by the end of the year, but I can only trust that JP will come home exactly when she is supposed to.  And I can only trust that the Lord will blow me away again and provide the $10,000 that we will need for travel.  I have no idea how that will happen, but I know that it will.  So there is yet another miracle in this journey, yet another confirmation that our sweet girl will come home, and that He will make our way straight.  All glory to God.

Making a Way

What a week it has been!  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of it, but every time I think of all the Lord has done in the past few weeks I just want to fall on my face and worship.  Watching Him move, orchestrate, and provide for every detail has been mind blowing.  We will need to pay our final agency fee of $5,450 as soon as we receive and sign LB's official child study report.  That will make our referral complete.  After a surprise donation the night before we were officially matched with her on the government website, we now only need $4,288.63.  That may sound like a lot of money, but I have no doubt that the Lord will continue to make a way for us to bring our daughter home.  In the past 16 months we have earned and raised just under $20,000!!!  Is that amazing or what??  Once we pay this final fee, our final pre-adoption expense will be travel, and we are hoping some of that might be offset by donated frequent flyer miles and hotel points.  One step at a time, though.  The Lord is providing as we need it.

We have had another miracle arise only three days after being matched with our daughter.  We have always dreamed of living on a mini farm, in a simple farmhouse with a big garden and lots of room to run and play.  Well, that is going to become a reality much sooner than we imagined!  The land we dreamed of nearly fell into our laps, completely unexpectedly.  We will be closing on the property in May, and building our little farmhouse.  The amazing thing is, this will actually lower our mortgage and monthly expenses, which will open up more resources for us to care for LB once she's home.  We were not originally expecting to be dealing with a long-term medical need, and the extra expenses will continue after she's home, but once again, God knew exactly what was coming and is providing.  We are doing our best to be wise and prepare ourselves for the extra medical bills that will come the first few weeks with her home, getting tests and exams done, meeting with her new doctors, etc.  That being said, if you feel led to share our story or be a part of our story through giving, we offer you our sincerest gratitude.  No amount is too small!  Adoption "takes a village" in so many ways, and it never fails to bring tears to my eyes when the Lord leads someone to be a part of caring for the fatherless by helping a family bring their little one home.

The Lord has done so much already that we want to shout it from the rooftops for all the world to hear!  What an amazing story He is writing!  I feel so humbled and blessed to be a part of it.  He is amazing!   

More Miracles!

My heart is hammering and my hands are shaking so much I can barely type.  My friends, count it ALL JOY when you endure trials of many kinds.  There is nothing like seeing that massive, jagged mountain blasted out of the way on the other side.  

We were hesitant at first to share the news about our Lotus Bud with everyone.  Of course, I said nothing to our general acquaintance until Husband and I were united in purpose to pursue this little beauty, but even afterward, our thought was to wait until things were "paper" official to share the news.  Two days ago, the Lord asked me why.  What are you waiting for?  I have given you the battle; what is holding you back?  Why are you waiting to rejoice?  Victorious Worship.  It was just the last vestiges of subtle fear... fear that it might fall through, that we might not get through all the red tape before the sixty day hold on her file was up.  Well, we decided to chuck fear out and shout it from the rooftops yesterday.  We hadn't seen the final outcome, but we knew that victory, Victory was ours.  It was just another leap of faith.

You all rejoiced with us, and it was so beautiful!  Thank you!

Husband and I were talking about what we needed to do to come up with the next adoption fee.  We are finally at the point where everything we've done has been covered, but in order to accept LB's referral, we would need another $5,450.  Last night, after posting our blog, I checked my email to discover an unexpected donation of $1,000!!  If I cry anymore tears, my eyes just might puff shut.  And I knew right then that God was providing because we were going to need it soon.  

Guess what?

We got an email from our agency today that they received word while we were all sleeping last night, that we are pending on the Special Needs list, and that our agency could go ahead and match us with LB... which they did a few minutes ago.  Friends, this was taking months for other families, and God did it in less than a week from the time our agency requested it.

We are officially matched with our daughter!!!          

Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle.  That has been my constant reminder this past month to keep looking for the gifts in each day.  And the miracle followed as promised... joy!  I almost did not dare to believe that the specific miracle I had been praying for would follow so quickly.  But it did.

I asked the Lord just after Christmas, "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?" My humble lament garnered this response, "Two months."  Pardon?  Was that you or did I just imagine that?  I opened my hands, holding my hopes loosely, and prayed.  Eucharisteo followed.  A life of thanksgiving and worship.  And then, nearly two months later, February 26th, to be exact...

February 26: I opened a forgotten fortune cookie that morning and my eyes fell on this: 

I smiled to myself.  I know, it's just a fortune cookie, but I never cease to be amazed at the tiny, detailed gifts the Lord gives just to remind me how much He loves me.  I felt warm all over, even hopeful.  He knew I would need it.  That night, we got news that at the international Meet with CARA, orphanages were each reporting 100-300 domestic waiting families, and over 1,000 total international families waiting.  Those 1,000 families were spread out between only 70 orphanages licensed to do international adoptions, and they also had hundreds of domestic families waiting.  We started praying specifically, asking God if this was a test and we were to stay the course, or a sign to move in a different direction.  I was very discouraged, but that morning, the Lord had taken me to Hebrews 11, and reminded me that by faith, Abraham went to the place where he was called, though he did not know where he was going.  He was also willing to sacrifice his son, the fulfillment of God's promise, by faith, because he knew that God could even raise the dead.  Hope.

February 27: My mom gave me a verse from II Chronicles 20, and I read the whole chapter that morning.  "For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."  The Israelites fasted and prayed, and the Spirit revealed that the battle was not theirs, but the Lord's.  They marched out, with men worshiping and giving thanks at the forefront, and the enemy fell without the Israelites ever lifting a sword.  Then later, when I flipped open World magazine, the first words that popped out to me were "Adopting Out - Not giving up."

February 28: I spent the day fasting and praying.  We felt God speaking clearly that we were to trust Him and stay the course in India.

March 1: Exactly one year after being registered with India's government, the Lord moved the mountain.  We got an email from our agency telling us of a four year old girl whose case they came across while in India for the Meet.  She had a diagnosis that was a little scary, definitely outside what we had originally envisioned a year and a half ago when we started this process.  My sweet husband was not on board, but even without a picture, my heart was hammering in my chest.  Ask more.  This is it!  He agreed to ask for more information.  I looked up her name that night.  Want to guess what it means?  Worship.

March 2: I shared all of this with my immediate family and talked with another IndiMama (who had, only days before, shared about their journey trying to bring home a child with the exact same need).  I was amazed by how receptive everyone was to this possibility.  My mom printed out this sweet girl's picture to put in her Bible to pray for her.  My sister told me later that when she opened the picture, it never occurred to her that we would not bring this little girl home.

March 3: I continued to do research on this medical need to remove the fear factor from our decision about whether or not to pursue this precious child.  We prayed for future tests, for healing, but also discovered that many of our initial concerns would not be anywhere near the obstacles we originally thought they would be.  We scheduled a conference call with our agency for the next day to see what the next steps would be for getting further tests.  This same day, two "random" people (who were unaware of our situation) shared the same positive article about this need.  More hope.

March 4: I read I Peter 1.  "...for a little while you may have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials" so that my faith can be proven genuine and result in "praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed..."

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (emphasis mine)  In 1,000 Gifts, the author digs into the story of the one leper out of ten who returned to thank Jesus for healing him.  Jesus told him, after being physically healed, that his faith had made him well, whole, sozo in the Greek... salvation.  Giving thanks, living a life of thanks is living in the fullness of my salvation.  

We talked to our agency that afternoon and discussed getting further medical exams done, and what our next steps would be if we went forward.  We would have to get the Indian government to switch us to the different orphanage, and change our status to "special needs" before our agency could even link us with this child.  Husband was still saying he didn't know yet if she was ours, but if she was, a way would be made no matter what the test results were.  In my heart I knew, but I was still waiting for the final word of discernment, of confirmation from my husband... and without me saying a word, I was watching the Lord speak softly to him as well and change his heart.  

            March 7:  We received medical information that was in favor of the original diagnosis.  Even after that, Husband was still willing to pray and seek the Lord.

March 8-10: I had the unexpected opportunity to go to an adoptive moms' retreat, and it was a godsend.  We were able to seek the Lord separately in the ways that fit us best and come back together to make a decision afterward.  The weekend was incredible, and I even got to sit through a breakout session specific to the medical need we would be working with should we pursue this child.  The most amazing part, though, was my Date with God time.  I was looking forward to it, expecting God to speak into our decision.  I had already seen so many confirmations, but I was still waiting for the final word, what God was putting on Husband's heart.  

Back story: We tried for about nine months to get pregnant with Li'l Bit, and when that stick finally showed positive, the verse that immediately burst forth in my heart was from Psalm 103, "Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me."  That was four years ago.  When I first read our agency's email about this sweet girl, my heart burst with the same words.  

During morning worship on the Saturday of the retreat, tears slid down my face as we sang those words.  Even a good friend, unaware of its significance, had posted that verse on my FB page days earlier.  Date with God was set up with different stations where we could paint, sculpt, draw, sit quietly, receive prayer, read Scripture, pray over a world map, or go to a table for a Scripture and a blessing.  When I asked God where He wanted me to go first, He said, "Go to the table.  Receive the gift and give thanks."  Eucharisteo.  There were about 150 different Scriptures rolled up into tiny scrolls.  I went to the table, picked up a scroll, and walked up to one of the women for a blessing.  I can't even remember what she said, but it was perfect.  As I wandered away, I opened the scroll, unwound the paper, and looked down at the words, "Bless the LORD, O my soul..."

I came home from that retreat and told Husband that I loved this girl, and I wanted her to be part of our family, but that I loved him second only to God, and I would follow where he led.  He promised a decision the next day, and it was a glory-filled moment to see him look me in the eyes, smile, and say, "I believe we should do this."  In nine days, the Lord had softened him from complete resistance to complete surrender.  I am so thankful for a husband who is willing to set aside fear, seek and listen for the voice of God, and then walk in the path set before his feet.

And so, after 16 long months, we are finally pursuing our daughter.  Our daughter!!!  I can pray for her by name, and what a glorious name it is.  The name we chose for her 16 months ago means "victory."  When you combine it with her given name, it reads Victorious Worship.  How specific He is in the minute details of his gifts!

The paperwork may not be in place yet.  We are not officially matched with our Lotus Bud, but we know that she is ours, and we know that the battle belongs to the Lord.  We will walk out to meet the challenges to come with worship and thanksgiving on our lips, and we will see victory.  Victorious Worship.  Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle.   

Pray for registration!

Calling all prayer warriors: Tomorrow is the day India opens its registration for the first 100 adoptive families from all placement agencies. If our agency is unable to register us, we won't get another chance until April. PLEASE pray hard with us that our agency can get us registered so that all our time sensitive paperwork will be in India, making us eligible for a referral!

We just found out last night that all of India's changes are necessitating a change in the payment structure as well.  Instead of $10,000 being due at the time we accept a referral, it will be $5,000 at the time of registration, and then $5,000 when we accept a referral.  That means we could owe an unexpected $5,000 as soon as tomorrow, and the money was not in our adoption account!  Thankfully, the concerns about JMI helping us fundraise have been addressed and are no longer an issue.  So with a possible immediate need for $5,000, I walked to the bank with a check for over $6,600 from the Puckett's fundraiser and other donations previously made in our name through JMI!  Wow!  That timing cannot be coincidental!  I won't assume anything, but I am hopeful that we will need that money tomorrow because we will have been registered with India!  PRAY!

Registration with India

Things have been a little crazy for everyone as we try to figure out and readjust to India's changing requirements for adoption.  We were originally eligible for a referral as soon as our agency had our completed home study.  That changed to needing our home study, dossier, and USCIS approval before we could be registered with India.  However, I just found out that since we have filed with USCIS, we can be registered with India, since our approval will be following soon!!

India is now only taking new registrations the first of every month, and only allowing a certain number of total registrations from all agencies before the website locks down.  In good news, our agency was able to register all of their eligible families at the start of this month.  We are now eligible for the next round on March 1st, and are hoping that they are able to get us registered within India's set quota so we won't have to wait another month to be eligible for a referral.  

That probably sounds overwhelming to those who have not been through this process.  It's overwhelming to me and I have had my finger on the pulse of it all for months now.  Please just pray with us that our agency is able to get us registered with India on March 1st.  Thank you for your prayers, friends!  That will put us one giant step closer to our little Lotus Bud!

Prayer request: CARA and new dossiers

After mailing out our home study on Wednesday, I contacted our placement agency to find out what steps remained between their receiving our home study and our eligibility for a referral.  Surprisingly, they told me that as soon as they receive our home study, we are officially "in line" for a referral!  That is exciting news, because they should have our documents by Tuesday!  

Unfortunately, CARA (India's adoption authority) is not currently accepting new dossiers.  From what I understand, they closed things down for a while last summer while altering some regulations, and are trying to catch up on the backlog now that the wheels are turning again.  That was supposed to be finished in December, but now the word is that they will possibly be starting to accept new dossiers some time this month.  

I'm not certain, but I believe that we could get a referral without that changing, but may not be able to secure said referral until they are ready to accept our dossier.  India's priority is always to adopt their children out to Indian families.  So while losing a referral is not necessarily common, it can happen.  

So, all of that to say that we need you to join us in praying that that waiting cases in India are resolved quickly (I know my friends waiting for word that they can travel to get their daughters are already on their knees), and that CARA will officially begin accepting new dossiers THIS MONTH.  Let's be bold and specific in our prayers.  Thank you for your support!  

Taking a deep breath

As of about 10 minutes ago, I officially have all of our part of the home study paperwork in hand.  Can I get an amen?!?!  S has his interview tomorrow, which will leave the home visit and then our social worker writing up the report.  I have no particular basis for or control over this blind hope, but I'm praying that we can have our completed home study approved and on its way to India by the end of the month.  Please pray with us!  Tonight, I am going to kick back with a mug of tea and just be thankful to be drawing this part of the story  to conclusion.  Thank you, Lord!

When it rains...

...it pours.

No, there is nothing drastically wrong.  This was just supposed to be our "laid back" day for the week with only one adoption related appointment.  I woke up at 5:30am and couldn't get back to sleep.  Things continued to almost comically worsen as the day continued, from a stolen credit card number (my second in the the past month), to all of my technological devices ceasing to function simultaneously, to a broken mothers ring, and culminating in discovering that N has a fever of 102.6 tonight.  What could make that even more interesting, you might ask?  The fact that tomorrow S and I will divide and conquer to cram in a total of four adoption related appointments within a two hour period of time, one of which is our poor baby getting stabbed for a TB test.  That would be less than fun under normal circumstances, but I feel awful having to do it when she already feels so badly.  PLEASE pray that her temperature is normal tomorrow morning and that she feels like herself again.

There is good news, though, so let's end with that.  We got the remainder of our birth and marriage certificates in the mail today, which is no small deal considering I thought it would take six weeks.  We also got fingerprinted today, and will hopefully have our police clearance results by the end of the week.  That means that we could potentially have all of our paperwork in by the end of this week!  One of my meetings tomorrow is my individual interview with our social worker.  S is scheduled for next week.  I'm hoping to have completed all of our Hague training by then as well.  If all of the aforementioned comes together as I hope (I'm just asking for it... I know...), we could officially have our part of the home study finished by the end of next week.  Our social worker will then do a home visit and write up her final report on us.  Then, from what I understand, we send the completed home study to our placement agency, which will approve it or ask us to make any corrections, and then forward it on to India, which would make us eligible for a referral at any point after that.  

That is exciting news!  It seems close, but still very far away, and hangups are always a distinct possibility with adoption.  So we'll be prepared for the challenges, hope for the best, and just worry about today.  Well, I'll be honest... I'm pretty worried about tomorrow.  Please pray especially for N, that the Lord would heal her little body, and make the test  tomorrow as trauma-free as possible.  Thanks, friends!

 

Start your engines!

Let the chase begin, the paper chase, that is.  With our adoption agency's swift approval came a literal mountain of documentation to start wading through.  Thankfully, we have a dossier expert who made the effort to call me and talk me through every single requirement, and help me to know which items are priorities right now.  The most overwhelming part about the dossier is not just that we have dozens of documents to supply or have others supply, most of it needing to be notarized and apostilled, but that none of it can be more than a year old at any point in this process.  We will need to stay right on top of every single piece of paper to know when it expires, and make sure that it is renewed far enough in advance to get it to our agency, to India, and in to the hands of the necessary officials there.  Speaking as someone who will add things to my To Do list that I've already done, just for the satisfaction of checking them off, that is a little stressful.  None of it will really be done until we are back home with our child.  In 2+ years.  Welcome to my two year lesson in letting go and leaning on the everlasting arms!  As the song says:

"Two things you told me

That you are strong

And you love me"

Amen.

Our home study is the most crucial piece of the puzzle right now.  Once that is complete, we will technically be eligible for a referral, and can finish up the rest of the initial run on the dossier paperwork asap after the home study is sent to India.  Our first interview is Monday morning.  Please pray that the paper chase goes as smoothly as possible for us, that the documentation would all be correctly filled out and certified the first time through, and that we don't loose our sanity in the process!  The greatest part about this, though, is that we could potentially have our home study done in a month or so.  That means, come the first of the year, we will likely be on the waiting list for a referral!  We have no idea how long that wait will actually be (although it is estimated at 9-18 months), but we will be one giant step closer to knowing our baby and bringing her home!  Praise the Lord!

Two roads diverged...

We would appreciate your prayers over the next week or two as we make a final decision on which agency to use for our adoption.  The Christian agency we originally wanted to go with will likely be doing our home study one way or another, but we have been leaning toward going with an adoption agency that has a much larger, more stable India program.  Our age window for a referral is somewhat small because of our ages as adoptive parents, as well as India's requirements and preferences as they adopt out their children.  We believed that an agency with more experience and established relationships would make it more likely for us to get a referral within the necessary age range in a timely manner.  

Now, CARA (India's branch of government that regulates adoptions) has taken referrals out of the hands of individual agencies and orphanages, and put it in the hands of the government.  That means, that while our original agency of choice still has a coordinator in India working closely with the governmental officials choosing referrals, the control ultimately lies with CARA.  

It looks like our home study agency would be significantly less expensive for the adoption process than the more India-savvy agency, and I love that they are actually a Christian agency.  Before, it just seemed so clear to go with the agency that has the most established relationships, connections and experience in India, but it seems the government has now negated quite a bit of the sway they previously had.  However, it sounds as though the relationships already developed will still provide some influence.  So we're trying to decide which way to go.  Ultimately, we believe the Lord has already chosen a child for us and will lead us to her by whatever means He chooses, even if it is not the way that seems the most likely for whatever reason.  Our concern is in discerning what His perfect will is for us on this specific decision so that we stay right in the middle of the path He has set before our feet.  Please pray with us as we listen for His leading!  Thank you, dear friends and prayer warriors!  We know the Lord will answer!

How you can pray

As of now, we are fervently praying that the Lord will quickly provide the funds for us to get this lengthy process started.  We fully believe that the Lord's timing is perfect.  We also know that there can be no progress made in this marathon until we have crossed the starting line.  Please pray with us that the Lord would open the flood gates and provide abundantly in ways we have not even imagined yet.