What's in a name? Part Deux

Ok, only two people responded to my plea for help coming up with a nickname for our wee one (thanks, Mom!).  That's all right, though, because I got a great idea from a book I'm reading.  If you recall, we called N Li'l Bit when she was in her studio apartment (i.e. my womb).  That name also came from a book I love called The Last Sin Eater.  Check it out (and buy it on amazon through our blog!).  

I am currently reading A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Charmichael.  Several years into her life as a missionary, Amy learned of the horrible plight of temple children (child prostitutes) in India, and felt a distinct calling to rescue them from such a heinous life.  She spent the rest of her life caring for those children, whom she referred to as her little lotus buds.

Li'l Bit.  Lotus Bud.  It's a match made in heaven, quite literally.   

What's in a name?

I need you to put your thinking caps on with me.  When I was pregnant with N, before we knew if we were having a boy or girl, I called her Li'l Bit.  I loathed say "the child" or "it" to refer to my sweet little baby.  I'm running into the same problem now.  We are most likely going to adopt a little girl between the ages of 2-5, but only God knows for sure what our family will look like!  So I need a name that we can all use for the time being to humanize this yet unknown child - to make it seem a little more real that someday I will hold him/her in my arms.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions!  You can post them here or on facebook.  Aaaaaaand GO! 

Stepping Stones

Our social worker told me she could start writing our report today.  Our final meeting with her is tomorrow morning, and she said that we should have our home study finished by the end of the month!

 I also found out that our India T-shirts are out for delivery today, according to UPS.  Things may be a little crazy right now, but I am enjoying this moment and all the little stepping stones that bring us just a tiny bit closer to our baby.  We have many things to be thankful for; I am counting them all in my mind and treasuring them up in my heart today.  Thank you, Father.  

Taking a deep breath

As of about 10 minutes ago, I officially have all of our part of the home study paperwork in hand.  Can I get an amen?!?!  S has his interview tomorrow, which will leave the home visit and then our social worker writing up the report.  I have no particular basis for or control over this blind hope, but I'm praying that we can have our completed home study approved and on its way to India by the end of the month.  Please pray with us!  Tonight, I am going to kick back with a mug of tea and just be thankful to be drawing this part of the story  to conclusion.  Thank you, Lord!

My daughter the champ

Just thought the world should know, my daughter is a champ.  Her temperature was down yesterday morning and she did a great job during her TB test.  Even though she barely napped and her fever went back up a bit near the end of the evening, she was still playing happily and snuggling with us.  Love my Punkin.

Our other meetings also went well yesterday!  Some friends are helping us plan an awesome fundraiser coming up in January, including live music and an auction.  My individual interview with our social worker went beautifully as well.  We should be able to pick up our medical forms and police clearance reports tomorrow, which just leaves the rest of our training!  We're coming, baby.  We're coming!

When it rains...

...it pours.

No, there is nothing drastically wrong.  This was just supposed to be our "laid back" day for the week with only one adoption related appointment.  I woke up at 5:30am and couldn't get back to sleep.  Things continued to almost comically worsen as the day continued, from a stolen credit card number (my second in the the past month), to all of my technological devices ceasing to function simultaneously, to a broken mothers ring, and culminating in discovering that N has a fever of 102.6 tonight.  What could make that even more interesting, you might ask?  The fact that tomorrow S and I will divide and conquer to cram in a total of four adoption related appointments within a two hour period of time, one of which is our poor baby getting stabbed for a TB test.  That would be less than fun under normal circumstances, but I feel awful having to do it when she already feels so badly.  PLEASE pray that her temperature is normal tomorrow morning and that she feels like herself again.

There is good news, though, so let's end with that.  We got the remainder of our birth and marriage certificates in the mail today, which is no small deal considering I thought it would take six weeks.  We also got fingerprinted today, and will hopefully have our police clearance results by the end of the week.  That means that we could potentially have all of our paperwork in by the end of this week!  One of my meetings tomorrow is my individual interview with our social worker.  S is scheduled for next week.  I'm hoping to have completed all of our Hague training by then as well.  If all of the aforementioned comes together as I hope (I'm just asking for it... I know...), we could officially have our part of the home study finished by the end of next week.  Our social worker will then do a home visit and write up her final report on us.  Then, from what I understand, we send the completed home study to our placement agency, which will approve it or ask us to make any corrections, and then forward it on to India, which would make us eligible for a referral at any point after that.  

That is exciting news!  It seems close, but still very far away, and hangups are always a distinct possibility with adoption.  So we'll be prepared for the challenges, hope for the best, and just worry about today.  Well, I'll be honest... I'm pretty worried about tomorrow.  Please pray especially for N, that the Lord would heal her little body, and make the test  tomorrow as trauma-free as possible.  Thanks, friends!

 

Last Call for this T-shirt order

I'm planning to put in an order for adoption T-shirts on Monday morning (11/28), so if you would like one (or many), please let me know by Sunday night. Also, for those who have ordered, I may need to do one design (India with "Simply Love" written across it) instead of separate ones for men and women because I don't have nearly enough orders to do two separate designs. If that changes your mind about the shirt, please let me know asap. Thanks!

Click here to order

Free Book

Check out this amazing book by K.P. Yohannan full of the redemptive stories of India's lost children.  I don't think it is possible to read it and not be moved.  

Also, it actually is completely free.  You just fill out your information and the book shows up on your doorstep a few days later!

No Longer a Slumdog 

Climbing the mountain

I wish I had something exciting to update.  In reality, I am spending most of my free time trying to wade through our homestudy checklist and our dossier checklist (which is six pages long).  I actually had to color code the dossier checklist just to try and break it down into things I could accomplish on my own, and documentation I had to request from others.  It looks like we could be waiting about six weeks to get our birth certificates.  Then we get to send them right back to have them apostilled.  I'm trying to gather as much documentation together as I can and then go have it notarized, certified, and apostilled all at the same time.  That will help in keeping up with expiration dates, but it is all incredibly overwhelming.  I'm just taking it one day at a time, making it a goal to take care of at least one thing on the list each day if possible.  I don't know that I'd really call this a paper chase.  It's more like a paper plod!

I have, however, been living vicariously through many family blogs that I've been following as they travel to meet their sweet babies for the first time.  What a surreal thought.  I can't even imagine.  It seems like the paperwork is taking forever, but at the same time, it's hard to imagine what it will be like to see a picture of our little one someday, to know her name and her story.  That's why this must be a journey.  The Lord prepares us for each step so that when it happens, it no longer seems surreal but predestined, as if it could not be any other way.  I am truly grateful, not just for this calling, but for the journey, where the Father molds and shapes our hearts and minds.  Perhaps, next Thanksgiving, we will have a new little face for which to be thankful, even if there are still many miles between us.     

Start your engines!

Let the chase begin, the paper chase, that is.  With our adoption agency's swift approval came a literal mountain of documentation to start wading through.  Thankfully, we have a dossier expert who made the effort to call me and talk me through every single requirement, and help me to know which items are priorities right now.  The most overwhelming part about the dossier is not just that we have dozens of documents to supply or have others supply, most of it needing to be notarized and apostilled, but that none of it can be more than a year old at any point in this process.  We will need to stay right on top of every single piece of paper to know when it expires, and make sure that it is renewed far enough in advance to get it to our agency, to India, and in to the hands of the necessary officials there.  Speaking as someone who will add things to my To Do list that I've already done, just for the satisfaction of checking them off, that is a little stressful.  None of it will really be done until we are back home with our child.  In 2+ years.  Welcome to my two year lesson in letting go and leaning on the everlasting arms!  As the song says:

"Two things you told me

That you are strong

And you love me"

Amen.

Our home study is the most crucial piece of the puzzle right now.  Once that is complete, we will technically be eligible for a referral, and can finish up the rest of the initial run on the dossier paperwork asap after the home study is sent to India.  Our first interview is Monday morning.  Please pray that the paper chase goes as smoothly as possible for us, that the documentation would all be correctly filled out and certified the first time through, and that we don't loose our sanity in the process!  The greatest part about this, though, is that we could potentially have our home study done in a month or so.  That means, come the first of the year, we will likely be on the waiting list for a referral!  We have no idea how long that wait will actually be (although it is estimated at 9-18 months), but we will be one giant step closer to knowing our baby and bringing her home!  Praise the Lord!

Agency Application is on its way!

After a month of trying to figure out how to orchestrate finances, we finally sent out our application to our adoption agency today!  As soon as they get it, they will email us the dossier paperwork.  We also got the invoice for our home study this morning, and immediately put that check in the mail so we can get started with our social worker asap.  So hopefully, we will be working on our home study and dossier paperwork within the next week.  Of the $7300+ that we put out today, only a little over $2K came from our fundraising ventures, so we are really praying that the Lord will just blow us away with his provision in the coming months.  Our initial milestone, which will get us paid up through everything we need to get our documents over to India is roughly $11K, so we still have a ways to go.  

However, I am trying not to stress out about the dollar signs that just happen to be smacking us upside the head right now, because our God is big enough to provide, even when we can't see how in the world He's going to do it.  Right now, I'm just incredibly grateful that we are truly plunging head first into the paper chase that will bring our baby home.  

I've read that "paper pregnant" moms often experience similar emotions to  biologically pregnant moms, and I am starting to recognize that as being completely true!  Poor S!  This will be a much longer pregnancy than when N was in her studio apartment, but I am already feeling the urge to nest at the very beginning, just like I did with her.  If I remember correctly, I started moving furniture around in the nursery about two weeks after finding out we were expecting.  At least then we were only a few months out.  This time we have a couple of years!  Still, I feel that Mamaw P. gene kicking in... Our house may look different every time people come over.  You just never know!  But I do know this, my sweet baby, we are coming!!!

Home study agency approval!

We have been approved by our home study agency and are ready to start filling out paperwork!  And my goodness, is there a lot of it!  This was definitely a much needed hug from the Lord today after the past week of spinning our wheels waiting on our funding.  We are still waiting on that part of things, unfortunately.  Please pray that things move swiftly there so we can get our application in with our adoption agency.  Filling out the dossier paperwork from them and our home study paperwork simultaneously will help to expedite the process on our end of things.  We are one step closer to actually being able to act on all this momentum.  Praise the Lord!

Band of warriors

I am bone tired this week; weary more in spirit than in body, although I can physically feel the weight of it.  I used up my time and energy in collecting, organizing, pricing, hauling, and manning an enormous yard sale, basically on my own.  Having a two year old in need of constant vigilance kind of necessitates that.  And it was worth it.  I'm so thankful that even with as little traffic as we had, we still cracked the $1,000 mark after a couple of craigslist sales in the same weekend.  Not too shabby for a yard sale.  But my heart sank into my shoes when I realized I'd have to do that about 30 more times to come up with all the funding we need for this adoption.  And I can't.  I just cannot do this alone.

Community is not something that everyone naturally seeks out (ask my husband), but I live and breathe in it.  I don't mean that I merely relish having a room full of people around me, although I do enjoy that at times.  I mean I feel starved without intimate relationships of a select few fellow pilgrims.  Never have I yet found any earthly thing like the bond I have with my sister.  The Lord is my defender, my rear guard, the lifter of my head; and my sister is the tangible form that mirrors those attributes, the tangible hand that grasps mine and hauls me up when I'm too tired and discouraged to even ask anyone for help.  After a rather tumultuous journey, I am thankful to see that kind of depth rooting firmly in my marriage as well, although in a different way.  In fact, I am blessed beyond measure to have that kind of comfortable, unconditional, relentless love in my entire immediate family.  That is the kind of love I hope to share with the child the Lord has for us someday.

The only thing is, my family, other than S, is here in spirit, but elsewhere in body, and we need a band of brothers (and sisters) right here at home too.  I have been praying that the Lord would gather a tight circle of "family" around us here as we begin this journey.  It always makes me smile to see or hear others who are happy and excited for us when they hear our story, but we will desperately need intimate community even more.  We need a select few who are willing to lock arms with us, grasp our hands, lift us up, and go the distance with us.  We need a band of warriors who will be in the trenches with us through prayers, brainstorming ideas, through the waiting, and all the post-airport days when we are learning how to love and care for a broken, wounded child.  Those are the relationships I am begging the Lord to provide right now.  

I think it is easy to get by, maybe without even realizing it, void of true intimacy in the day to day.  We don't want to bug anyone with our struggles; we can handle it.  We don't make the time or have the energy to reach out and forge that bond that can only be built through time and shared experience.  We can't get out of our own world long enough to notice or care about what might be going on with someone else.  We're slowly starving ourselves and we don't even know it.  Guilty as charged.  But let me tell you, when you stand on the brink of something enormous, you suddenly realize with complete clarity that you don't want to plunge into the mist without someone's hand to hold.  It's not enough to know that there are well intentioned people all around you.  You want the person next to you who won't complain when you leave claw marks in their skin because you're holding on so tightly.  You need the person by your side who straps you to their back and hauls you along when you can't walk anymore on your own.  I don't know who that someone is yet.  Maybe it's someone we've known for years.  Maybe it's someone we haven't yet met.  Maybe it's you.  Whoever it is, I am grateful, and I am praying for you.        

Bueller?

For those who haven't heard (or haven't acted yet), we still need several T-shirt orders before we can order our first batch of 25.  To be exact, we need 16 more orders for the women's print (either print can be adult's or kid's size shirts), and 23 orders for the men's print.  In case you're wondering, my husband and father are the only two guys who have ordered shirts.  So perhaps I should be asking for feedback.  Guys: are the shirts not manly enough?  Would you prefer a simpler design?  Would anyone like to see prices for hats, scarves, bags, hoodies, etc. instead of just T-shirts?  We just have to order 25 items per print design.  It doesn't matter what they print them on.  Let me hear your thoughts!

For one week only, I'm going to drop the donation amount for a T-shirt to anything over $15.  I worked for days on the html  to get those daggum paypal buttons working properly, so I'm kind of afraid to touch them. =) So let's do it this way: on the Home page of our blog, simply click the paypal Donate button on the right hand side.  Enter your chosen donation amount of at least $15 per shirt, and in the comments section of the paypal transaction, tell me which size(s) and color(s) you want.  You can also pay by check or cash if you're local.  We'll be doing this until midnight on Saturday, November 5th.  

I know money is tight, friends.  Believe me, I know.  I don't want you to click the Donate button out of guilt.  I just want us, myself included, to really stop and think about what we've impulsively dropped $15-25 on this past month to help bring this into perspective, and to remember what who this is for.  Thank you!     

Red tape

We have officially applied with our home study agency and are awaiting approval!  Thankfully, we found a highly recommended agency that does not have any policies against breaking birth order or artificial twinning (adopting a child within a year of N's age on either side).  It would be ideal to adopt a daughter a year or more younger than N, but India's policies make our age range narrow enough without adding more restrictions, thank you very much!  

The Lord has also answered our prayers by quickly reassuring us of our choice in an adoption agency.  We raised over $1,000 at our yard sale last weekend (with more items still being sold on craigslist), but need $4,950 to send in with our initial application to the adoption agency.  We are trying to move our personal funds around in such a way as to make the remainder of that necessary money accessible.  The wheels of bureaucracy turn far too slowly for me.  However, the moment those funds become available, we'll be over-nighting our application to our agency.  Once we're approved, they'll send us our dossier, which we can work on while we're doing our home study since they will require a fair amount of duplicate documentation.

That will be the first and last time we have control over the timing on any part of this journey.  I am impatient for that to be done so that we can officially be "in line" for India to give us a referral for a child, which will likely be a long wait.  But at that point, we will have done all that we are responsible for, and will be waiting on them, or rather, on the Lord to show us our baby.  Pray with us that our funding becomes accessible quickly so we can finally leave the starting block and hit the first stretch of the marathon hard!      

Two roads diverged...

We would appreciate your prayers over the next week or two as we make a final decision on which agency to use for our adoption.  The Christian agency we originally wanted to go with will likely be doing our home study one way or another, but we have been leaning toward going with an adoption agency that has a much larger, more stable India program.  Our age window for a referral is somewhat small because of our ages as adoptive parents, as well as India's requirements and preferences as they adopt out their children.  We believed that an agency with more experience and established relationships would make it more likely for us to get a referral within the necessary age range in a timely manner.  

Now, CARA (India's branch of government that regulates adoptions) has taken referrals out of the hands of individual agencies and orphanages, and put it in the hands of the government.  That means, that while our original agency of choice still has a coordinator in India working closely with the governmental officials choosing referrals, the control ultimately lies with CARA.  

It looks like our home study agency would be significantly less expensive for the adoption process than the more India-savvy agency, and I love that they are actually a Christian agency.  Before, it just seemed so clear to go with the agency that has the most established relationships, connections and experience in India, but it seems the government has now negated quite a bit of the sway they previously had.  However, it sounds as though the relationships already developed will still provide some influence.  So we're trying to decide which way to go.  Ultimately, we believe the Lord has already chosen a child for us and will lead us to her by whatever means He chooses, even if it is not the way that seems the most likely for whatever reason.  Our concern is in discerning what His perfect will is for us on this specific decision so that we stay right in the middle of the path He has set before our feet.  Please pray with us as we listen for His leading!  Thank you, dear friends and prayer warriors!  We know the Lord will answer!

Yard Sale Success!

Well, we worked hard, and with the help of several donors, and a couple of helpful friends, we raised $800 for our adoption fund!  We passed some of our donation boxes along to someone else, but we still have several bigger items (and when I say several, I mean one side of our garage is packed full) that we are selling on craigslist.  You can view a basic list here and I will gladly respond to emails for more details on particular items.  If you know anyone looking for baby gear, kids clothes, furniture, toys, etc., please send them our way!


We have our first meeting with our local home study agency tomorrow.  We'll get some paperwork to take home and start working on, and upon completion, we'll pay our application and home study fee, which will be roughly $1800.  We're hoping that between the yard sale and the remaining craigslist items, we will be pretty close to paying for that completely.  


I am so grateful for our friends, Gary and Vicki, who came out bright and early Friday morning to help move all our yard sale items out into the yard!  N wasn't feeling well and was up very early, and I was the one who had everything organized and priced (mostly in my head), so I really needed to be out there.  There is no physical way I could have gotten all those tables and boxes out there on my own, so they were absolutely my heroes!


We had some sweet friends come out Friday and Saturday to support, and a couple of people who wrote checks for their items, that when I looked at them, were four times the amount due!  I was blown away by their generosity.  We met some new friends from the neighborhood, one of which is actually from Delhi!  He was so kind, and offered to help me with language in anyway he could (since he speaks 3-4 Indian languages!).  We don't know which state we will be adopting from, yet, but it is wonderful to know that we have someone close by who is willing to help in that way.  


All in all, the weekend was a success.  I am wiped out, and haven't managed to sleep through the night for three nights now.  Hopefully, the stress from last week and the weekend will start to dissipate, and we'll be able to take it easy between church this morning and small group tonight.  =)  Thanks again to those who donated, helped, and gave this past week!  We couldn't have done it without you!

A New Journal

About two and half years ago, I went to Target and bought a journal to write about my pregnancy with N.  Yesterday, I went back and bought another one to document this pregnancy of the heart.  Many of my emotions are similar and just as surreal: joy, anticipation, anxiousness, wonder.  At the beginning of my first pregnancy, before I could see or feel any signs of the little life inside my body, I constantly felt nervous, wondering if "Li'l Bit" was ok.  I hated referring to our baby as "it," but I didn't know whether to say he or she.  As time went on, I could feel her move, and we found out that the little dress I bought at 8 weeks pregnant on instinct would indeed get some use!

It is strange for me to think that it is entirely possible that our second child is already somewhere in the world.  With that thought comes a myriad of emotions.  Like I did with N in the beginning, I'm wondering which pronoun to use, although instinct once again tells me she's a girl.  I'm also wondering if our little one is safe, but in a very different way.  I knew as long as N's little heart was beating, that she was safe and warm inside my womb.  This situation is requiring a different level of prayer and trust that the Lord is guarding and protecting our child.  I wonder about and grieve for the mama that had to give her up.  I feel a sense of urgency to get to our baby as quickly as possible, but I'm also anxious that I be well prepared to care for her in the very unique way she will need as an ex-orphan.  Again, it's a different situation, but all of the mysteries and questions that accompany it, in the end, will boil down to our Father divinely enabling me to tangibly love our child the way He loves us: compassionately, unrelentingly, fiercely.  

The only force that has ever kept me journaling consistently is my child, now, my children.  This pregnancy is going to be a lot longer than my first, and there will be a lot of time lost with our little one.  But I believe that the Lord will knit us together in spite of time, circumstance, and distance.  

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 

~ 1 John 3:1 

One Bite At a Time

How do you eat an elephant?  Yup, you got it.  Looking at a fundraising thermometer with a goal of $30-$35K seems pretty daunting.  It probably makes all of us think, how could $25 here and there possibly make a difference for such a large need?  The economy stinks and budgets are tight for everyone.  We don't always (or even often) have a lot of wiggle room to help in a big way all at once.  But just like adoption, orphan care, or any other mission, we move the mountain by chipping away at it a little bit at a time.  

So we don't have big chunks of money to dole out to every need that comes along.  And thankfully, that's not necessary, because what we do have is time.  I did some math, and here's what I've come up with: If we had 50 people who would commit to give $25 a month over the course of the next two years (our approximate time line from the time of application), our adoption would be FULLY FUNDED.  That is without any other fundraising factored in.  How great is that??  Having 50 people who are willing to forgo Starbucks a few times each month would literally bring our child home!  Can't swing $25?  No problem; every little bit adds up.  Want to do more?  That is fabulous as well!  Just let us know what your number of choice is, and each month I'll send a friendly email reminder that it's time to hop over to our blog and click the "Donate" button.

As of today, we officially have the mock ups of our awesome adoption T-shirts!!!  I got one of these from a friend who is also adopting and they are super soft and comfy.  Plus, they get the face of adoption out there, and provide a way for us to tell our story (or for you to tell it for us!) when people ask about the shirts.  The shirts are a Thank You for anyone who makes a $25 donation to our adoption fund.  BUT, anyone who commits to giving at least $20 monthly will get their T-shirt with their first donation!  You can check out the design and color choices here.  

As always, please share this post and our blog with your friends.  There are so many ways to help without anyone having to be strained financially.  We just need to get the word out!  So grab your dipping sauce of choice, because we are going to tackle this together, one bite at a time. 

How you can pray

As of now, we are fervently praying that the Lord will quickly provide the funds for us to get this lengthy process started.  We fully believe that the Lord's timing is perfect.  We also know that there can be no progress made in this marathon until we have crossed the starting line.  Please pray with us that the Lord would open the flood gates and provide abundantly in ways we have not even imagined yet. 

How to Help

Help us spread the word!   
Donate directly to our Adoption Fund:

Or, if you prefer to make a one time or monthly tax deductible donation you can do so by mailing a check(s) to JMI at:

Justice and Mercy International 

1810 Columbia Ave, Suite 100 

Franklin, TN 37067
or online here.
*Please specify that it is for our adoption in both cases*

Do your amazon shopping through our blog and up to 15% goes to our Adoption:

Adoption Sale Fund Raiser

I come from a long line of garage salers, and I'm about to make Mamaw P. smile up in heaven.  We are planning an Adoption Fund Raiser Sale for the end of the month (most likely on 10/29).  Our goal is to come up with $5K as quickly as possible so we can get our application in and get this long process started!  

If you or anyone you know has stuff that you want out of your house, we would love for you to donate it to our sale!  Or, if you have something big and you don't want to move it, we'd be happy to craigslist it for you if you're not craigslist-savvy on your own. =)  If you are out of town, but want to help, would you consider putting together a sale in your neck of the woods and donating the funds raised?  We are very open to and grateful for your support on whatever terms are most convenient to you.

We'll have more details coming soon, but in the meantime, please give me a shout if you would be willing to help us out!  You can drop stuff off, we can come pick it up, or we can find a place to meet.  Just let me know what works for you!  Even if this isn't your thing, please feel free to share this blog with anyone and everyone you know.  We're trying to get the word out to as many people as possible!  

Ideas?

Well, we made the big announcement, and now we're putting our noses to the grindstone and getting to work.  As I mentioned in a previous post, we are looking at the adoption process probably taking anywhere from 2-3+ years from the time we apply with our agency.  Long time to wait.  We know our newest addition will be worth it.  However, in order to turn in our application, we first need to come up with the initial installment of the agency fee which is just under $5,000.  

We have our handy little Propay "Donate" button here, and a link to do your normal shopping through amazon.com for our benefit.  That's a good start, but we need some ideas for ways to come up with that rather significant amount of money in a relatively short period of time.  The longer our application is delayed, the longer our little one is living in an institution without a mommy and daddy.

Spreading the word and utilizing any of the aforementioned opportunities would be greatly appreciated, but I would love to hear your ideas for fundraising.   Do you know any bands/artists (that people have heard of- no offense fellow undiscovered musicians =)) that might be willing to do a benefit concert?  Does anyone have anything they would be willing to let us sell in a garage sale or on craigslist?  Does anyone have experience putting on a sports tournament or bake sale of some sort?  Let's hear those brilliant ideas! Thanks in advance for your help!

Whispers, Part 2

Adoption regulations for different countries vary drastically from each other.  I spent hours glued to my computer reading about China, Ethiopia, Russia, Ukraine, and many more.  I had no clear sense of being drawn to any specific country.  Then one day (and I am confident that you will laugh at me for this), I was watching the Jungle Book with N.  She became obsessed with that movie for two days, which happened to coincide with my general research.  At the end of the movie, the little girl from the village came down to draw water from the river, and for some unexplained reason, my eyes filled with tears.  I sat there feeling like a complete fool, wondering why in the world I was crying over this.  It's not like we had just watched Mufasa or Bambi's mom kick the bucket.  Then it hit me: India. 

Last year, we had a man from Bombay Teen Challenge come and give a presentation to a small group of us from JMI.  We were exploring the prospect of partnering with them in their work in the red light district of Mumbai.  The issue of human trafficking is what had originally drawn me to Moldova.  We mostly do trafficking education and prevention with the girls there.  This ministry, however, was right in the thick of that battle, reaching out to girls and women who were still in slavery.  I wept silently through his entire presentation, knowing that my heart was already there.  This was not the year for me to go.  N was still very young, and I felt that I needed to make every effort to go back to Moldova this year to be consistent for the kids with whom I already had a close bond.  India stayed in my heart, but was put on the back burner for the time being.

But maybe the Lord's plan for me and India looks different than I originally imagined.  That would hardly be a first in my life!  I started researching adoption from India, and piece after piece began to fall into place from the age of adoptive parents to the necessary travel time.  I heard whispers of India everywhere I went, and found my stomach flipped whenever I saw an Indian child.  I began praying specifically about India, trying not to get too excited.  I wanted to hold onto Christ tightly and my own ideas loosely.  I prayed that God would infuse my heart with His desire for us, and remove any leading that was not of him.  The more I prayed and asked for clarity, the more strongly I felt drawn toward this country.  

After weeks of research and talking to many families who had adopted or were in the process of adopting from India, I felt confident in the choice of an agency.  I feel so blessed to already have the support of so many folks out there who were willing to pour out their hearts and experiences to me.  I was a complete stranger to most of them, but now I feel as if we are trusted comrades in arms, ready to plunge into the fray and lift one another up along this journey of a lifetime.  

I woke up yesterday morning with verses from Ezekiel 34 running through my head.  They are the verses I repeat to myself over and over again in Moldova, because holding on to them is the only way I am able to leave the country at the end of the week.  It talks about Israel being scattered and lost.  But this is the hope the Lord offers in verses 11-13.

"For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them.  As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep.  I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.  I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land."

And my mind was opened even more.  What if we are supposed to have more than two children?  What if the reason we have not felt moved toward trying for another biological baby is because there are children that the Lord has already chosen for us from among the millions of the fatherless?  The majority of families that adopt want babies or children as young as possible.  Older children (meaning toddlers on up) who are still in the orphanages may be passed by simply because of their age.  What if the Lord wanted to gather our family from the nations?  Would I be willing to do that?  I don't know what the Lord has in store for us, and I'm not going to ask to peer down the corridors of time and spoil the mysteries.  But yes, if that is what the Lord asks of us, then I would gladly make room for one more at our table.  

But now, I get my first practice run at waiting in the realm of adoption.  The agency we want to go with requires a fairly hefty sum up front, which means we need to do some fundraising before we even apply.  In my mind, I would love to get the ball rolling, since adopting from India can take 2-3 years at this point.  However, S is still praying through all of this, and he's not ready to take the plunge yet.  So we're not announcing anything at the moment (which means no fundraising yet).  We're waiting and praying for God to unite our hearts around His plan for us and for our family.  And strangely, I feel complete peace about that.  I'm not generally known for my patience.  I'm zealous and impulsive, and the Lord has taught me about waiting on Him over and over and over again.  But right now, in this moment, I have peace.  I know in my heart that if the Lord does indeed have a child picked out that belongs in our family, His timing in bringing that child into our arms will be perfect.  Right now, we're supposed to wait.  I think S might be my spiritual barometer on this.  When he comes to me and says, "I'm ready to start this process," then I will know that it is truly time to move.  For now, I will keep praying that if my little girl is already in the world, our Father would watch over her and hold her closely until I can.  

Whispers, Part 1

This is definitely not a blog I ever imagined I would be creating.  It's also not a blog that will be available to the public at this point.  Right now, I'm just writing, praying, journaling, and inviting a few family members and friends who know and share my heart to join me on this journey.

I remember a time when I did not want children, as well as the exact moment when the Lord turned my heart inside out with the desire to bring a life into the world someday.  After being married just over a year, I went to Moldova for the first time to serve at an orphan camp in a little rural town in the north.  I think it was there that the Lord truly revealed the blessings that come from nurturing and loving a child, and specifically, a child who had no one else to offer those necessities.   We had already decided that we would have kids, but no more than two.  We accepted the social stigma that we would have two of our "own" children biologically, and then if the Lord led us to adopt someday, we would, never really picturing that becoming a reality.  I went to Moldova for three consecutive summers.  Each trip added a layer of love, protectiveness, burden, and responsibility to my outlook on orphans.

Then, after an exceptionally tough year, we finally found out we were pregnant, and the next two and half years were spent bringing our daughter into the world, and attempting to survive the wild ride that followed her rather eventful entrance.  Finally, after three years, I was able to make my way back over the big blue ocean to see my kids in Moldova.  I was absolutely overwhelmed with the goodness of God in letting me see what an incredible difference it makes in their lives when we reach out even in small ways.  I was seeing the fruits of our labor first hand.

I came home with a restless spirit, discontent to fall back into survival mode, going through the motions just trying to make it through the day.  I had thought fleetingly of adoption many times since my first experience in Moldova, but never felt the familiar nudge (or whack over the head) that this was something we were supposed to plunge into head first.  But the idea began to linger in my mind, and then root firmly in my heart as the weeks passed after my return.  S and I had talked a little about the "timing" of baby number two.  Neither of us were particularly excited about starting at square one with a newborn again, but we knew we wanted N to have a sibling.  I didn't feel like our family was complete.  I kept feeling a firm prompting to broach the subject of adoption again, even though I knew I was much more open to it than S.

More circumstances came together and fell into place.  I no longer questioned if this was God speaking, but as the vision grew in my mind and heart, I hesitated to share it with S for fear of completely overwhelming him.  But like Jeremiah, His word was like "a fire shut up in my bones," and I could not hold it in.  So I spoke, timidly at first, and asked if he would be open to adoption knowing that this may well be our last child.  To my complete surprise, he was quite open to considering it and praying about it.

I left it there for the time being, letting the idea settle in his mind while I started doing mountains of research.  I wanted to learn everything I could about international adoption.  That ended up being too broad of a scope to get much in the way of specific information, so I started reading up on different countries.  Moldova seemed the obvious place to start.  It seems as much like home to me as America does, and those children are the sons and daughters of my heart.  But it seemed that was not what the Lord had in mind.  In fact, I was taken aback by the complete clarity in my heart that our child was not in Moldova.


To be continued...