Bless the LORD, O my soul!

Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle.  That has been my constant reminder this past month to keep looking for the gifts in each day.  And the miracle followed as promised... joy!  I almost did not dare to believe that the specific miracle I had been praying for would follow so quickly.  But it did.

I asked the Lord just after Christmas, "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?" My humble lament garnered this response, "Two months."  Pardon?  Was that you or did I just imagine that?  I opened my hands, holding my hopes loosely, and prayed.  Eucharisteo followed.  A life of thanksgiving and worship.  And then, nearly two months later, February 26th, to be exact...

February 26: I opened a forgotten fortune cookie that morning and my eyes fell on this: 

I smiled to myself.  I know, it's just a fortune cookie, but I never cease to be amazed at the tiny, detailed gifts the Lord gives just to remind me how much He loves me.  I felt warm all over, even hopeful.  He knew I would need it.  That night, we got news that at the international Meet with CARA, orphanages were each reporting 100-300 domestic waiting families, and over 1,000 total international families waiting.  Those 1,000 families were spread out between only 70 orphanages licensed to do international adoptions, and they also had hundreds of domestic families waiting.  We started praying specifically, asking God if this was a test and we were to stay the course, or a sign to move in a different direction.  I was very discouraged, but that morning, the Lord had taken me to Hebrews 11, and reminded me that by faith, Abraham went to the place where he was called, though he did not know where he was going.  He was also willing to sacrifice his son, the fulfillment of God's promise, by faith, because he knew that God could even raise the dead.  Hope.

February 27: My mom gave me a verse from II Chronicles 20, and I read the whole chapter that morning.  "For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.  We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."  The Israelites fasted and prayed, and the Spirit revealed that the battle was not theirs, but the Lord's.  They marched out, with men worshiping and giving thanks at the forefront, and the enemy fell without the Israelites ever lifting a sword.  Then later, when I flipped open World magazine, the first words that popped out to me were "Adopting Out - Not giving up."

February 28: I spent the day fasting and praying.  We felt God speaking clearly that we were to trust Him and stay the course in India.

March 1: Exactly one year after being registered with India's government, the Lord moved the mountain.  We got an email from our agency telling us of a four year old girl whose case they came across while in India for the Meet.  She had a diagnosis that was a little scary, definitely outside what we had originally envisioned a year and a half ago when we started this process.  My sweet husband was not on board, but even without a picture, my heart was hammering in my chest.  Ask more.  This is it!  He agreed to ask for more information.  I looked up her name that night.  Want to guess what it means?  Worship.

March 2: I shared all of this with my immediate family and talked with another IndiMama (who had, only days before, shared about their journey trying to bring home a child with the exact same need).  I was amazed by how receptive everyone was to this possibility.  My mom printed out this sweet girl's picture to put in her Bible to pray for her.  My sister told me later that when she opened the picture, it never occurred to her that we would not bring this little girl home.

March 3: I continued to do research on this medical need to remove the fear factor from our decision about whether or not to pursue this precious child.  We prayed for future tests, for healing, but also discovered that many of our initial concerns would not be anywhere near the obstacles we originally thought they would be.  We scheduled a conference call with our agency for the next day to see what the next steps would be for getting further tests.  This same day, two "random" people (who were unaware of our situation) shared the same positive article about this need.  More hope.

March 4: I read I Peter 1.  "...for a little while you may have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials" so that my faith can be proven genuine and result in "praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed..."

"Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls." (emphasis mine)  In 1,000 Gifts, the author digs into the story of the one leper out of ten who returned to thank Jesus for healing him.  Jesus told him, after being physically healed, that his faith had made him well, whole, sozo in the Greek... salvation.  Giving thanks, living a life of thanks is living in the fullness of my salvation.  

We talked to our agency that afternoon and discussed getting further medical exams done, and what our next steps would be if we went forward.  We would have to get the Indian government to switch us to the different orphanage, and change our status to "special needs" before our agency could even link us with this child.  Husband was still saying he didn't know yet if she was ours, but if she was, a way would be made no matter what the test results were.  In my heart I knew, but I was still waiting for the final word of discernment, of confirmation from my husband... and without me saying a word, I was watching the Lord speak softly to him as well and change his heart.  

            March 7:  We received medical information that was in favor of the original diagnosis.  Even after that, Husband was still willing to pray and seek the Lord.

March 8-10: I had the unexpected opportunity to go to an adoptive moms' retreat, and it was a godsend.  We were able to seek the Lord separately in the ways that fit us best and come back together to make a decision afterward.  The weekend was incredible, and I even got to sit through a breakout session specific to the medical need we would be working with should we pursue this child.  The most amazing part, though, was my Date with God time.  I was looking forward to it, expecting God to speak into our decision.  I had already seen so many confirmations, but I was still waiting for the final word, what God was putting on Husband's heart.  

Back story: We tried for about nine months to get pregnant with Li'l Bit, and when that stick finally showed positive, the verse that immediately burst forth in my heart was from Psalm 103, "Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me."  That was four years ago.  When I first read our agency's email about this sweet girl, my heart burst with the same words.  

During morning worship on the Saturday of the retreat, tears slid down my face as we sang those words.  Even a good friend, unaware of its significance, had posted that verse on my FB page days earlier.  Date with God was set up with different stations where we could paint, sculpt, draw, sit quietly, receive prayer, read Scripture, pray over a world map, or go to a table for a Scripture and a blessing.  When I asked God where He wanted me to go first, He said, "Go to the table.  Receive the gift and give thanks."  Eucharisteo.  There were about 150 different Scriptures rolled up into tiny scrolls.  I went to the table, picked up a scroll, and walked up to one of the women for a blessing.  I can't even remember what she said, but it was perfect.  As I wandered away, I opened the scroll, unwound the paper, and looked down at the words, "Bless the LORD, O my soul..."

I came home from that retreat and told Husband that I loved this girl, and I wanted her to be part of our family, but that I loved him second only to God, and I would follow where he led.  He promised a decision the next day, and it was a glory-filled moment to see him look me in the eyes, smile, and say, "I believe we should do this."  In nine days, the Lord had softened him from complete resistance to complete surrender.  I am so thankful for a husband who is willing to set aside fear, seek and listen for the voice of God, and then walk in the path set before his feet.

And so, after 16 long months, we are finally pursuing our daughter.  Our daughter!!!  I can pray for her by name, and what a glorious name it is.  The name we chose for her 16 months ago means "victory."  When you combine it with her given name, it reads Victorious Worship.  How specific He is in the minute details of his gifts!

The paperwork may not be in place yet.  We are not officially matched with our Lotus Bud, but we know that she is ours, and we know that the battle belongs to the Lord.  We will walk out to meet the challenges to come with worship and thanksgiving on our lips, and we will see victory.  Victorious Worship.  Thanksgiving always precedes the miracle.