Pressing on

It's January 2nd, and our home study, with all the time sensitive documents that I busted my tail to finish before the end of 2011 is still aging on the wrong side of the ocean.  I'm still not exactly sure what the hold up was, but apparently it was not resolved before everyone scattered for the holidays.  I believe our agencies are supposed to be open again starting tomorrow, so we're hoping that we can get the final corrections done and get the finished product in the hands of someone who can do something with it.  Not that it means a referral will come any time soon, but it will be nice to know that it could.  

We also need our completed home study to apply with USCIS, as well as some other grants and funding sources.  So we truly are at a stand still until this is finished.  Please pray with us that it can be completed this week.  

My even-keeled husband's thought process is, there's nothing we can do but wait, so why think about it?  My goodness, the Lord knew what He was doing when He paired us.  Our strengths are completely different.  The thing about a having a very intense personality is that I live and breathe whatever I am passionate about- all day, all the time.  I have internal conversations constantly reminding myself that what is front and center, 110% for me may not even be on other people's radars.  When it is, and we are surprised or blessed by others coming around us and working hard to help bring this to fruition, it just overwhelms me with gratitude.  It confirms in my heart that people really do want to be a part of this (my internal monologue is going, shyeah! Who wouldn't?! Adoption is incredible!).  The support of my immediate family and a group of sweet friends at church has been an absolute Godsend for us in our journey thus far.

But there are times when I feel utterly discouraged as well: When we work hard on a task alone, because no one is there to help; when I offer opportunities to include others that I think will be simple and doable, and no one even responds.  It's then that the cynical voice in my head says, They don't give a flip about helping.  You're on your own.  But if I listen more closely I hear a whisper. Have I failed you before?  Don't you think I will give you what you need to do what I've asked of you?

Of course He has, and will.  And even if we didn't have a soul in the world standing with us, there is nothing on this earth that will stop me from fighting for my baby, because I know His sovereign hand is at work every moment orchestrating this entire journey, and we are exactly where we are supposed to be.

So, by the Lord's grace, I can choose to be at peace in His perfect timing instead of getting tied up in knots over a temporary setback, even when waiting breaks my heart.  I can resist discouragement over lack of funding at this precise moment, because I know that He will make a way when it's needed.  I can find strength in knowing that our God is mighty to save, and fully capable of moving mountains for his purposes.  And nothing, nothing, will keep me from pressing on for our daughter.

The dreams and visions the Lord has put in my heart leave me speechless.  I can't even begin to ask or imagine them.  But my prayer, my resolution for the new year, is that the vision never diverts my gaze from the One who cast it.